As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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