thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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