You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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