dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
