Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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