My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
