Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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