idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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