so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
