Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Where did you get a picture of my penis
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
