what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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