Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
