Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
