I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
