Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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