So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
