They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
