I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
