She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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