umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
