your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
