After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
