CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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