ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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