a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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