I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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