Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
