when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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