it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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