She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The best revenge is premature balding
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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