There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
