dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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