all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
