whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize