I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
