I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
