p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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