My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
