She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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