Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
