But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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