respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
