my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
