Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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