this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
me + whiskey = a bad person
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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