big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
