I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
