yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
