You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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