wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
