I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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