Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
