Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
