i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
