I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
