Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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