I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
