So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
