Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
