totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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