there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
