a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As shirtless as possible
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
