My liver just broke up with me...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
