do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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