New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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