Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
