I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
