so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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